“Could use one good pep talk. It just never comes. I love my Christ more than anything, but sometimes a pep talk would be great,” she wrote on my Facebook wall. Eight years of pain that Amy is just trying to get past. Why does it have to be this way? How is it possible to just move on?
Well, I suppose the first thing would be to accept the feeling. Not the feeling of pain, remorse and sadness – but just the feeling. Many people just move on, “get over it,” start from here, now, this moment and get on with what’s at hand. But you have the feeling.
The feeling is invaluable. The feeling is how you are – not specifically what you’re feeling at the moment, but that you feel it at all. What is important to you, no – even more important than that: who is important to you. You are not the only one that’s important to you.
Everyone that has come in contact with your life has left an indelible mark on it: the way you laugh, what you laugh at, why you cry… These people have meant more to you than any thing because things don’t form you, shape you, guide you, cheer you, chide you, discipline you, lift you up, put you at peace. Things you encounter – people make a life.
And when they’re gone, their affect on your life is gone. Or is it?
Because they are no longer visible, audible or can be touched, has the impact of their presence on your life been diminished? No! In fact, you are their legacy! The impact they had on life lives in you every day! Who you are is because of what they helped you become!
Did they love you, guide you, instruct you, affect you? Did they give advice, give example, give of themselves? Were they there when you needed, patting you on the back or kicking you in the butt, depending on which you needed at the moment? Why has that changed?
What they gave you, their input into your life, has not changed – it’s still within you! And I would venture to say that if they could right now, they’d kick you in the butt! Take what they gave you and find someone else to share it with. Guide them, love them, direct them, instruct them, console them, encourage them, chastise them, cheer for them!
To do anything less would be to bring into reality what you’re fearing the most – their death. By holding a continuous pity party over their lack of attendance, you choke the very life out of everything they taught you! Now is why they were a part of your life – that you would invest in someone else.
It’s okay to miss someone. But keep it in its place. Don’t spend all your time at their marker – make the most of their memorial by reaching out to others and giving the way you were reached out to and given. Keep the life going – don’t choke it by focusing on a death. The life doesn’t end!